A conflict I had recently experienced was with my husband Randy. Recently Randy had lost his job and as a result we have to move to Nevada and live with my parents. We are moving at the end of this month and things have been very stressful between school and packing. Both of us attend school and Randy's final week is next week and mine ends two weeks later. On Thursday night I had gone into our computer room to do some homework and I had completely lost track of time. Randy came into the computer room asking when are you going to stop doing your work and cook dinner. I had really gotten upset with Randy because he knew that I was busy and all he cared about eating. I yelled back at him, "well, if you are hungry why don't you go to into the kitchen and make yourself something to eat and when I am done I will cook dinner. Then Randy turns around and says, "well we have to be out of here at the end of the month and nothing seems to be getting done except your homework. What about the packing? It needs to be done also". I turned around and said, "well, it is difficult for me to do everything. After all I am only only one person".
The two strategies I have learned that helped me manage the conflict more productively is to talk about things calmly and to listen to each other. Yelling does not solve anything and also calling each other names are uncalled for. I have also learned that if a discussion gets to heated up it is important to walk away from the situation and return when both parties are ready to discuss things in a mature manner.
I was able to compromise by saying that I will spend the day packing and will pull an all nighter getting my work done. I had also compromised that we will take turns planning dinner and cooking instead of just leaving the responisbility on one person. We also compromised to cut back on spending time on the computer (except for school work and an hour for us to do what we want). The principles of the three R's I have used was respect, reciporocal, and responsive interactions. It is important to respect each other and to interact with each other in a positive way. Compromise is always best when both parties can come up with an agreement. Relationships are about give and take.
Hi darlene, I can really relate-my husband is out of work and making about 1/2 what he was, now that is is on unemployment. The stress has led to some arguments. Like you, we had to sit down and figure out who would be responsible for what.That helped a lot. As you say, we're in this together. Wishing you good luck with your move!
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ReplyDeleteMy husband and I get heated when we are fussing also. Adding in the fact that you have stress on top of everything else makes your situation even more heated. I want to apply these principles to my husband and my arguments but he makes me so mad! I am also one who is expected to do everything. That is what makes me so mad. I am trying to be more cool though and give him the respect that I want him to give me. Thanks for sharing your personal side of it. It made me think about my own personal side of things.
Hi Darlene, I can't even imagine the stress you must be under. I also get into heated "discussions" with my husband. I really hate to compromise because I feel I always end up giving in and then I am angry. I'm really trying to apply what I am learning. Thanks for sharing and good luck on your move.
ReplyDeleteThank you ladies. It has been stressful, but the one thing I have been able to do is keep ahead on the homework for the most part. I work on my discussion questions whenever I need to take a break from packing as well as the blog assignments. I am also putting in two days to work on my major papers.
ReplyDeleteFor us it is hard also because I am only doing school and the only other income we have besides his unemployment is financial aid (we both atten school here he, is pursuing a Bachelor's Degree and I am working on a Masters) luckily I am the one who does our budget or else we might have no money at all.
Darlene,
ReplyDeleteI absolutely agree with you that calling names is uncalled for and that yelling doesn't solve anything. This can be difficult, especially when the situation is so stressful and demanding.
I agree about only communicating when calm. I would also add only when not hungry and not tired especially when there is a conflict.
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